RAGE Against THE MACHINE

Highlights from last night’s Presidential Debate.

Here’s some info you should know before reading my debate highlights. I’m not a Hillary Clinton fan, I’d rather sit on a chair made of hot tacks than hear her speak. However, Trump repeatedly makes dangerous comments and scares the bajesus out of me, so obviously I watched the debate.

The candidates started off the debate like two people who just heard this, “The reason you’ve been called to the principal’s office is…”

A few seconds in, they were both stiff and awkward. But Clinton quickly gained her footing. If it was an actual “horse race” by 20 minutes in she was so far in the lead by I could tell there was no way Trump would catch up.

In most instances, Clinton answered the question logically, then used the remaining time to tear Trump a new one. Her tone was appropriate and her comments were evenly paced. She was smart to not engage in a shouting match with him, and for the most part, tried to ignore him when he repeatedly interrupted her.

She also shockingly shut down the e-mail server talk (that has reach over-saturation on news) by simply apologizing. Full stop. Done.

I don’t know if this was a strategy to pull focus away from Clinton or if he was genuinely dehydrated, but Trump drank a lot of water during the debate. A LOT! He was more focused on rehydrating than completing sentences.

Another problem for Trump was the frequent sniffing. This coupled with his red face and disconnected comments led people to speculate he was snorting coke before the debate. If you read the text transcript of the debate it is glaringly obvious how many thoughts were left incompleted by Trump.

Trump apparently confused his staffers pleas for “more sanity” in the debate for “more Sean Hannity.” He repeatedly said, “Sean Hannity” and “call Sean Hannity.” The fact that he was repeatedly saying this was bizarre, but the reasoning behind it was even more mind-boggling. He claims that although he publicly supported the Iraq War, in private he told Sean Hannity he didn’t. So he defends his support of the Iraq War with saying he was just lying about supporting the war?

He’s like a murder suspect who needs an alibi, “No, you misunderstand, when I said that I was totally lying. Yep, just completely lying. Here, just ask the one man in America that I didn’t lie to, Sean Hannity. Call him, he’ll vouch for my whereabouts on the issue of Iraq.”

In addition to Hannity, he also named dropped Sidney Blumenthal and Rosie O’Donnell for no apparent reason.

He also interrupted Lester Holt to tell him that he doesn’t know about racial profiling. I was at a loss. How can a white man tell a black man doesn’t know about racial profiling?

Then he continued the blunder by praising the “Stop and Frisk” police policy that was eventually banned and caused a lot of the animosity between residents and police force that is still a problem today. Next he continued to repeat the phrase “law and order” more times than a commercial for the actual TV show “Law and Order.” I was miffed as he just offered a phrase that he repeated over and over, rather than spend the time explaining what this phrase has to do with race relations and police brutality. And today, Fortune confirms that his choice of saying “your president” when referring to Barack Obama looks like a racial jab.

And Trump delivered a jaw dropping answer during the question of racial equality. He references a private, members-only County Club (Mar-A-Lago) that he opened in the wealthy white community of Palm Beach, Florida as his experience with diversity. He claims this elitist golf club doesn’t discriminate against African-Americans or Muslims. And I actually fact checked this, apparently it is available to everyone… well everyone who has $100K to drop on membership, and another $14K annually and club expenses on top of that.

Commentators who are fans of Trump claimed Trump “took the bait” and “fell into her traps” during the debate. However, these comments sounded rehearsed, like newscasters were going to say them regardless of how the debate went down. And these comments make news anchors look disconnected from reality. If news media can’t report accurately on something WE JUST SAW, it makes you question anything they may report. If the “trap” is talking like a crazy person, then yes, he fell right in. But he has also been in that trap the entire campaign.

About half way through the debate Trump tried to get back on track by addressing hot-button issues that are important to American people… like the flawed aesthetics in major airports.

ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT:

screen-shot-2016-09-27-at-3-11-05-pmI can’t speak for all Americans, but I know MOST Americans have more pressing issues. Most of us are not irate at the aesthetics of LGA when we “come in from Dubai and Qatar.” We don’t lay awake at night worrying about who is going to spruce up that dull waiting area at Newark.

Actual problems that make America look like a third world country: teens who have sex for food, people without healthcare, undrinkable water, Chromium-6, Flint Michigan, cops shooting unarmed teenagers, cops shooting people with disabilities, murder rates that are 20 times higher than other countries, no paid maternity leave (US is the ONLY industrialized nation with no paid maternity leave, Guinea-Bissau gives 9 weeks) and low education standards. Those are just a few of the issues that rank higher than the baggage claim at LAX.

Sigh, where was I? Oh yea..

As referenced above, Trump spoke in incomplete sentences for a hearty portion of the debate. He talked to America like I talk to Siri “airport. AIRPORT! directions. no, not that one. driving directions. (sigh) incredible. the other one. no. ugh. rerouting. whatever.”

During the debate Trump also repeatedly said the word “stamina” like he might be dry humping the podium. More specifically, he used the word “stamina” to mean “penis.” And if it wasn’t obvious enough he added “tremendous stamina” with a ‘you know what I’m talkin’ bout‘ look on his face.  And oddly enough he did this while answering a question about Hillary Clinton’s look. Basically, he was saying, she doesn’t look Presidential because she’s not a man. Translation: You need a dick to be president. (A debate wouldn’t be complete without referencing his junk.)

While stroking the um, ego, of all the misogynists who were already going to vote for him, he alienated a lot of female voters. (There are 125 million women in America.)

And the worst part is, it was like he was having a flashback to a porn film he was watching in the green room beforehand while snorting coke, then remembered he was at the debate when he said, “Wait a minute, Wait a minute, Lester, you just asked me a question. Did you just ask me a question?”

Actual Transcript:

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And Hillary shut this down by showing that she has more balls than Trump will ever have.

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He also had a very creepy faux-femminine way of saying “Russia.” I’m not sure why he felt the need to affect his voice when he said Russia, I was almost expecting him to throw up jazz hands as he said it.

And then he interrupted Hillary repeatedly to brag about not paying taxes.

After the debate, Americans were left feeling like we need a shower. While Clinton’s tone was calm and organized, Trump’s vibe was a unique mixture of being racist, uneducated, delusional, pervy, confused, disconnected and downright rapey. Any women on the political fence literally jumped off the fence and ran off screaming to find a rape whistle and a stun gun. (Again, there are 125 million women in America.)

And just when you think Trump is washed up and hasn’t embarrassed himself enough, he goes into the spin room, for another round in the wash cycle. It was unprecedented for a candidate to go in the spin room and reporters about knocked each other over trying to get to him.

While in the spin cycle he didn’t help himself at all. It’s like when you go home at night and think “now, what I should’ve said this today when she said that…” We’ve all been there. Except instead of having this conversation in his head or with his wife, he had it with all of the world.

Even this guy looks like he might barf at what Trump is saying in the spin room.

 

screen-shot-2016-09-27-at-11-17-40-am

Or maybe he’s just responding to hearing this on his ear piece,”Get him the hell out of here before he does any more damage!”

“Copy that.”

The part that really stinks for all the networks is that Clinton clearly stomped Trump. It was like a policy stamped that he was totally unprepared for. However, networks have to promote the next couple of debates, so they predetermined that this one will be “close” or “too close to call” to create the suspense of a cliffhanger ending. But there was no cliff-hanger ending, no one was left wanting more, except the news reporters.

But here’s the main problem, the bar was set so unbelievably low for Trump, and he couldn’t even meet our freakishly low expectations. We knew he’d distract by making it all about him instead of providing policy solutions and plans, but he was such a bumbling idiot it was cringy to watch.

The smart money would be on the network that speaks the truth, promoting the next debates with, “Come back for more hilarious comments from Trump and Clinton.” or “Seriously Funny” or “Rage Against the Machine: Clinton vs. Trump” or “Clinton, Funnier Than Ever!” or “Trump, Less Pervy Than Before!”

At the beginning of the campaign trail, most women rolled their eyes thinking, “We’re not just going to vote for Hillary just because she’s a woman, they tried this shit with Sarah Palin. Look! A bird! Vote for her!”

Luckily American women are smarter than political strategists originally gave us credit for. Women made Clinton work for it. And I guess it paid off. Now women are starting trends like Huffington Post‘s movement to get more women to vote. And Michelle Obama encouraging women to vote and the #YourVoteCounts and #OurVoteCounts hashtags.

After the debate, Americans had no new questions for Hillary, but several for Donald. It was like they were going through airport security, Hillary was waved ahead with a TSA pre-check, but Trump looked suspicious and was detained to answer questions:

  • Are you using cocaine?
  • If not, what are you using?
  • Are you paying taxes?
  • Why are you bragging about not paying taxes, you know that money runs the government and office of President, right?
  • No seriously, why won’t you show us your taxes? Even Nixon showed us his tax statements.
  • Why do you continue to insult women in defense of insulting women?
  • Do you even realize how racist you sound?
  • Did you realize telling a black man that he doesn’t know about racial profiling could make you certifiably crazy in the court of public opinion?
  • If you view a microphone as a credible threat, how would you handle actual threats?

And I’d be remiss to cover the debates last night without speaking to the comments online today. Media and social media lambasted Trump in a comical way. Today America is suffering from PDHT – Post Debate Hilarious Tweets.

Glossary

Word Salad – A jumble of nonsensical words throw together to form an incoherent thought. #WordSalad

Defective Mic – Started out by Trump saying afterwards that he had a defective mic. (Note: he actually had 2 microphones)

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screen-shot-2016-09-27-at-12-54-40-pmscreen-shot-2016-09-27-at-12-54-17-pmscreen-shot-2016-09-27-at-12-23-04-pmscreen-shot-2016-09-27-at-12-07-31-pm

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