Trump’s recent erratic actions and reckless comments have led top Republicans to to accuse him of not acting in the party’s best interests. To fend off nay-saysers, Trump has released his updated list of Supreme Court Justice nominees to replace Justice Scalia. In his original list from May, he reserved the right to later add any people he deemed appropriate. This loophole has top Republicans uneasy.
Trump now confirms that his list is complete, and if elected he guarantees that he would absolutely recommend someone off of this list below as a Supreme Court Justice.
Here is Trump’s finalized list. They are in no particular order.
Allison Eid of Colorado is an associate justice of the Colorado Supreme Court.
Diane Sykes of Wisconsin has served as a judge of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit since 2004.
Wanda Sykes was raised in Washington, DC, graduated from Hampton University, then went to work for the NSA (National Security Agency). She also was awarded an Emmy. #TrueStory.
Don Willett of Texas has been a Justice of the Texas Supreme Court since 2005.
Raymond Gruender of Missouri has been a judge of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Eighth Circuit since his 2004 appointment by President George W. Bush.
Judge Judy is the presiding judge over the highest rating nationally syndicated half-hour judge show. She and Trump both share a mutual affinity for reality TV.
Thomas Lee of Utah has been an Associate Justice of the Utah Supreme Court since 2010. He is allegedly Trump’s top pick because he looks racist in this photo, and that’s an important quality Trump’s supporters want to see in a nominee. Political consultants refer to this characteristic as racisty, the ability to just look racist without even opening your mouth.
Joan Larsen of Michigan is an Associate Justice of the Michigan Supreme Court. Trump describes her as “kinda hot.”
Kardashian knows a lot about the law after legal troubles for releasing a recording of Taylor Swift. She is also the keeper of the secret Kardashian handshake and mother of two children.
Peter Florrick is a former Cooks County State Attorney and current Governor of Illinois. Peter Florrick would be the hardest to get congressional approval as he is a fictional character from The Good Wife, but Trump is confident he can pull some strings.
Steven Colloton of Iowa is a judge of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Eighth Circuit.
Judge David Stras of Minnesota has been an Associate Justice of the Minnesota Supreme Court since 2010. Although Judge Stras is an actual judge and not part of a TV sit com, he looks like he could be.
Raymond Kethledge of Michigan has been a judge of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit since 2008. He was also voted Most Adorable on the Supreme Court Justice Replacement List.
William H. Pryor, Jr. of Alabama is a judge of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Eleventh Circuit. He has no priors.
Thomas Hardiman of Pennsylvania has been a judge of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Third Circuit since 2007. He has two interesting distinctions. He was voted a close second to the Most Adorable on the Supreme Court Justice List. He was also voted Most Likely to Become a News Anchor or Sports Commentator.
Reese Witherspoon played Elle Woods in Legally Blonde. Obviously you can’t act like you know the legal system that convincingly and talk about laws all day long, if you don’t actually know anything about the legal system. (Unless you are Donald Trump.) Witherspoon also rates well with Trump supporters who have demanded “more hot blonds in office.”