Can Semen Cure the Common Cold?

I have a working theory that swallowing semen relieves cold and flu symptoms. I stumbled across this theory years ago being generous even though I was sick. It makes sense, semen is salty and thick like honey, so it sticks to the back of your throat. For generations, a salt water gargle has been recommended to prevent or relieve colds. Semen just takes it up a notch by keeping the salt on the back of your throat longer than water.

I should point out that this health article is being written by a heterosexual woman, not a dude hoping to increase his chances. And as a woman, last thing you want is your man to get an erection every time you cough. Or have him saying insensitive things like, “Sounds like you’ve got a cough, maybe I can help” or worse, “If you’re coming down with something, maybe you should go down on something.”

The makers of cold and flu symptoms would never want you to know this. But the people at a sperm bank with way too much of donor #23,439 would love for this to be true.

Obviously I’m not promoting going out and giving blow-jobs as a cure-all. Catching a sexually transmitted disease is way worse than a cold. But if you happen to be in a committed relationship with someone you are blowing anyway, and you happen to have a cold… it might help. Of course if you are really sick, you partner should just be sweet and wiz in a cup for you. That’s the chivalrous thing to do.

I did a little research on my theory, and you’ll be blown away by what I found out:

Medical Daily points out semen contains mood-elevating estrone and oxytocin, cortisol, melatonin, anti-depressant prolactin, thyrotropin releasing hormone and serotonin.

Yum! (Sarcasm font.)

This author says my theory is viable, although you’ll need three “doses” per day… Hope your man is either 18 years-old or has a cute brother!

Answers.com

I’m not sure I believe any of this article, but it’s an interesting read:

Huffington Post – Semen is Good For You and Helps Fight Depression

And maybe I’m not hanging out in the right places, but best I can tell the semen COCKtails from 2013 didn’t turn into all the rage:

Huffington Post – Bartender Paul Photenhauer’s Semenology Cookbook 

And do not google “semen” and “cold” – it will give you a series of unforgivable images that you can’t erase from your mind. But do google “woman coughing” because it shows photos of women who look like they are giving blow jobs. Coincidence? I think not.

woman-coughing

If my theory is true, I know a whole lotta men are going to start looking forward to cold and flu season more than football season or basketball season. You might be reading this hoping to cure a cold, or con someone into blowing you, either way good luck! Whether you are down on your luck or hoping to get lucky, I hope it works.

One last article:

Real Fit Mom

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